“Hello. My name is Vaughn Vottson and I have a mental health diagnosis of Mixed Bipolar Disorder… Although, some days, it seems more like it has me.”
Have you ever had a conversation open in this manner? Unless you were in a treatment area for mental illness – say, the waiting room of your psychiatrist or visiting a mental health facility, my guess is probably not. That's because of the reversible nature of the shroud surrounding mental illness.
Oh, I'm sorry. You haven't seen this shroud? Well that's also because of the nature of this shroud, for it's invisible. Believe you me, though… It's a very heavy shroud. Multi-layered, cumbersome on days its wearer is not feeling 100%, this shroud features shrug-shoulders along with a stunning array of Secrecy when worn one way… On the opposite side, the wearer of this delicate and constricting shroud finds the unkind, heavy-weight fabric tears at the very soul of said person with its tightly-knit fabric of Shame, and yes – it is both delicate AND heavy.
What's that, you say? It doesn't sound like something you'd like to have in your wardrobe? Chances are, if you have a mental illness, you wear this wicked thing nearly every day. I know I do. I'm a recovered bulimic/anorexic woman who currently lives with PTSD topped by an anxiety and depression that fosters a battleground within that most people know by the diagnosis of Agoraphobia.
I'm often left wondering at how mental health issues have seemingly overtaken a great portion of the world's 7-something-billion people – or, at the very least, looking only at the population of the United States, of the 314 million people (current estimated figure as of 2013), how it is that mental health disorders have become so common. An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year (Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence, severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005 Jun;62(6):617-27.), and that's according to older data (from about 2005, as noted on the website for the National Institute for Mental Health). You can find more detailed information, even broken down by mental health diagnosis at their website. Here's the link: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/
I wonder if we've always had so great a challenge with respect to mental health, or if there are contributing factors that have been left unstudied – threads that would make an incredible fabric, if anyone took the time to gather them and weave them together. But, perhaps, that's an entirely different post's topic.
What is positively stunning to me is the fact that there is no open acknowledgement of this – of mental health disorders that affect no less than a QUARTER of our population. It's the proverbial elephant in the room, and at the same time, it's the ugly step-child, shoved into the attic – desperately wanting acknowledgement, but instead being locked away in shame. How is it that we've come to a point in time where so many are affected by this – either through having a mental health diagnosis/disorder OR through knowing someone who has a diagnosis – and we cannot be supportive, let alone being open and honest about it? Oh, yes! We're supportive at home, behind closed doors, in privacy… But the fact of the matter remains, having a mental illness is, at best, “your own private problem, so go take a pill or see a shrink”, and at worst, something shameful that must be kept secret.
There are bumper stickers and buttons and flags for all manner of different things. I've seen really cool ones shaped like puzzle pieces with all sorts of bright colors on them for autism. There are political ones (naturally), ones for the LGBT community (thank you! I LOVE seeing rainbows everywhere!), ones in remembrance of those lost to cancers, wars, or tragedies… Pink is THE happening color for breat cancer, for example. We've seen amazingly beautiful movements blossom, such as the “26 Acts of Kindness” following the Sandy Hook tragedy… People wear different colored ribbons for different causes that are dear to their heart… And all of these are wonderful things – please, don't misunderstand me here.
I just want to know when we can not have to fear losing our jobs because we have a mental health diagnosis. I want to know when it's okay to tell your hair stylist or barista or fellow choir members, for example, that you're having a tough time with your bipolar disorder without them either pitying you or shrinking away from you. I want to know when we will be able to stop holding our breath when a tragedy happens, because it seems these days they are almost always blamed on either religious extremists or… Yep… Someone with a mental health diagnosis. When do we get to stop being the pin-the-blame-on-mental-health-disorder scapegoat?
I want to know when it will be acceptable to celebrate having an entire year free of suicidal ideation, or hospitalization for mental health issues. When's the last time you were able to order a cake for such a celebration? You haven't. Because it's not talked about. Because it's shrouded in shame and secrecy.
ONE IN FOUR OF US have a mental health diagnosis for a disorder. WHY is it still so shocking? Why is it unacceptable? Because we're not “normal”? Let's talk about “normal” for a moment.
Beethoven, Charles Dickens, Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams, Ernest Hemingway, Tchaikovsky, John Keats, Linda Hamilton (of the Terminator movies), Florence Nightingale, Edgar Allan Poe, Vincent Van Gogh, Catherine Zeta-Jones, rapper DMX… These are just a FEW of the people who have only ONE type of mental illness… They all have the diagnosis of Bipolar. What would your definition of “normal” be after seeing this list of people? When can we embrace the beautiful creativity that is the flat side of the sword of mental illness?
While there is SO much more to write on this topic, I will close with this final thought… I want to create. I want to create a world where we do not have to fear losing our jobs over a mental health diagnosis. I want to create a world where we who have mental health diagnoses are not frowned upon, blamed, castigated and shamed, ignored, feared, or bullied. I want to create a world that celebrates the creativity that comes with mental illness, to be – dare I say it – even proud to live, shining as an example of what is every good thing that comes with mental illness. Yes… There will be days I sure as hell don't feel very shiny. But when it becomes something that is ALLOWED, EMBRACED, Openly discussed – indeed, ACCEPTED – we will find those around us wrap us in a loving, soft and supportive environment that fosters healing… When we scan a room and see several people donning pins or buttons that say, “Proud mom of my bipolar son”, or “I'm Bipolar II, 2!” or anything supportive of the multitude of diagnoses out there… I think we'll have achieved greatness. Bold, brilliant, bodacious greatness.
Can we shred this shroud and grow boldly where no Country has gone before? It starts with just a few of us, and from that seed, an entire movement could grow. And yes, I'm headed to my local craft store to make that button, and I WILL wear it proudly for my son.
Namasté.
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